I haven’t even started writing this blog and I’m already not sure if I’ll post it. I’ve been in kind of a funk today. Letting my low self esteem get the best of me. I think it started with my grand idea earlier today (technically, yesterday, I guess. Since It’s after midnight.) that I was going to watch some cheesy rom com. I saw a clip from the movie on TikTok and it seemed to be about a down on her luck single mom with some fate and destiny themes thrown in. So I was like “that seems nice and lighthearted!” So I decided to give it a watch. I hadn’t watched anything for myself in weeks, maybe even months. It started with a quote. “There are only two ways to live your life One is as though nothing is a miracle The other is as though everything is.” I thought “FANTASTIC! Love me some miracles!” But then as it turned out, it was a movie about a down on her luck WIDOW mom. Which was a little closer to home than I’d planned, but I kept watching it anyway. And of course the movie w
I was reading my Facebook memories yesterday, as I do most mornings and had this pop up. Widowhood is more than missing your spouse’s presence. It is adjusting to an alternate life. It is growing around a permanent amputation. Widowhood is going to bed for the three hundred and sixty fifth time, and still, the loneliness doesn’t feel normal. The empty bed a constant reminder. The night no longer brings intimacy and comfort, but the loudness of silence and the void of connection. Widowhood is walking around the same house you have lived in for years and it no longer feeling like home. Because “home” incorporated a person. And they’re not there. Homesickness fills your heart and the knowledge that home will never return haunts you. Widowhood is seeing all your dreams and plans you shared as a couple crumble around you. The painful process of searching for new dreams that include only you amount to climbing Mount Everest. And every small victory of creating new dreams for yoursel